July 9, 2015
The IT Manager, The Mythical Knight Shortage & The Thing That's Like A Sword, But Not As GoodHere's a quick bedtime fairy-tale to send you to sleep.
This tale is called "The IT Manager & The Mythical Knight Shortage (& The Thing That's Like A Sword, But Not As Good)".
Once upon a time, there was an IT manager who lived in a big castle made of steel and glass somewhere near Old Street roundabout.
One day, he needed some knights to fight for the honour and glory of his King, the CEO. They would have to be brave, they would have to be strong, and they would have to have had recent experience of developing microservices in an Agile team environment.
He called for the King's treasurer, and asked him to count out piles of gold, one for each of these brave knights to reward them for their valour should they be selected.
Then he commanded his messengers to ride out to every town and village and hamlet across the land, spreading the word that he was looking for brave knights willing to fight to the death for honour and riches.
Eventually, the best knights were assembled, and put through a string of challenges to prove their worthiness to fight for the King; and from those, the best candidates were offered the chance to serve in the kingdom.
The IT manager showed them the gold they would receive should they accept the honour of serving the King. And one by one, they all turned it down. Not enough gold, they said. For what we do, they said, we know we're worth more. Without us knights, they said, the King would lose all his gold and the kingdom would fall to his enemies.
This made the IT manager angry. Again, he sent out his messengers, this time to seek out all the other IT managers in all the other kingdoms across the land. They gathered for a meeting, where they agreed that there was a chronic shortage of brave, strong, Agile knights.
Something must be done, they exclaimed. And lo, it was decided that every child in the land should train to be a knight. Starting at the age of five.
The knights themselves, persuaded that there was indeed a chronic shortage of knights, and fearful that kingdoms would indeed fall as a result, shouted "We will help you train them!"
And so it came to pass that the following year was declared to be the "Year of Chivalry", and someone who had never held a sword or slain a dragon or rescued a fair maiden (or fair maidman, because this is an equal opportunities fairy-tale) was appointed to tell the people that they could learn to be a knight in a day. A budget of a sack of potatoes, two goats and some straw was allocated to pay for this grand initiative - plenty, they thought, to train millions of knights throughout the land.
A year passed, and still the IT manager could not find brave knights who would serve his King for the gold on offer. At his wits end, he prayed to the Gods of Information, Education and Entertainment, who deliberated for quite a while, and then - just when he'd forgotten all about them - they answered his prayers.
"Behold," they roared from atop Mount Broadcasting House, as thunder and lightning shattered the heavens around them, leaving the IT manager fearful and awed. "Behold... we have heard your prayers for a solution to your chronic shortage of knights, and we bring you.... THIS!"
There was an almighty explosion, and through the flames appeared a sort of sword doodah kind of thing. Well, it was like a sword, but smaller, and not as good. But it had a cool logo.
"We will send a million of these amazing sword wotisname-thingummyjigs - that are like a sword, only not as good - to all children of an arbitrary age in the land, so that they will be inspired to learn how to fight. Just as long as they already have a proper full-size sword, because this thing literally does nothing by itself of any real use."
"Yeah, thanks for that." said the IT manager.
And they all lived happily ever after.
Posted 8 hours, 50 minutes ago on July 9, 2015