December 25, 2010
Finally, A True Measure Of Agility!My scientists (you may know them as "elves") have been working around the clock to come up with a definitive measure of Agility, and as it's Christmas and a time for sharing, here it is - unveiled to the world for the first time.
To measure Agility, you must follow these steps to the letter. Even the slightest deviation renders the result useless:
1. Go to the fridge and count the number of opened tins, bottles, jars and cartons
2. Go into the garden, pick up a handful of stones from the rockery (if you don't have a rockery, borrow some stones from a neighbour's rockery)
3. Take the stones up to the bathroom. It's vitally important your bathroom is at a higher elevation than the garden and the fridge, otherwise the measure won't work.
4. Drop the stones into the toilet, and, using a handheld tape recorder or dictaphone, record the splashes
5. Convert the dictaphone recording into a .wav file - it must be 16-bit stereo at 44khz.
6. Create a blank email and attach the .wav file, your count of open containers in the fridge and the following text: "You can't get fitter than a QuickFit fitter"
7. Address the email to email@example.com and add the subject line "Dear Santa"
8. Send the email
9. Your email will be processed in real time and your measure of agility will be sent by return in 5-10 minutes. Which leaves just enough time to learn Scrum.
10. When your reply arrives, don't open it straight away. print it off and, without reading it, fold the paper, fold it again and then fold it again and place it under your hat. If you are not wearing a hat, the measure will be wrong.
11. Now head back to the fridge, remove all the contents and the shelves and climb inside.
12. After 12 hours have elapsed, come out of the fridge, remove your hat, unfold the paper and then close your eyes really tight.
Dark, isn't it?
Posted 9 years, 8 months ago on December 25, 2010